Some good things??

Well, I finally finished college!!! Can u believe it? It only took like-11 years for me to finish. Well you know the saying-the race is not given to the swift. I endured it. So yeah, I feel all esteemed and accomplished now. I earned my BS degree in Business Management from Mid-ContinentUniversity and I may very well be starting my Master’s in Communication this Fall. If you read my previous blog “All That Power..” you’ll understand a little more about my personal struggles with the pursuit of higher education. It was never necessarily an issue of college being hard for me in terms of my ability to comprehend what I was being taught. It was more of an issue with finding the time for myself and figuring out what’s most important. Pair that with the inability to prioritize, not being able to multi-task well, and in some situations pure LAZINESS and that makes up the majority of my collegiate journey. I hate to think about my old habits and how I wasted valuable time, however it helps me reflect more on who I’ve become. I may not be where I want to be, and I may not have all of the things that I want, but THANK GOD I am no longer who I used to be. I have improved and moved closer to my breakthrough.

Not so good things?

I lost a job last year that for the most part, I really liked. That job helped me to recognize that some of my different abilities that I have are actually talents. When I lost the job in September, it crushed my ambition and passion for writing. I started working full-time at my part-time job to make up for lost wages, and eventually gave up my creativity in exchange for a steady paycheck. My life became mundane. I worked 8 hour shifts, 5 days a week at a job that in my opinion was redundant and un-fulfilling. When I came home from work, I had no desire or inspiration to write. I just wanted to sit on my couch and rest as much as possible before it was time to do it all over again. Hence the 10-month hiatus.

I am still employed at the same company and I feel very indifferent about my job. Don’t get me wrong, I’m VERY THANKFUL for the opportunity to be gainfully employed in this current economy and maintain my standard of living. I work in a comfortable place When it’s hot outside, the air is cool inside and vice versa. I’m safe from all of the outside elements. And having this job is better than not having one at all. I hate to complain, but when you feel like you’re made to do something else, maybe even something bigger, it becomes a daily struggle to get up and go to work everyday with enthusiasm. Enthusiasm or not, the bills still accumulate so I get up and go.  My mantra is o what you got to do until you can do better. Not everyone feels the same as I do about this job. Some of my coworkers love working here. Hey, to each its own. There’s a job out there for everyone. This just isn’t the one for me. I’ve been relentlessly job hunting since March. I really want to relocate, but have been unsuccessful in my search. I’ve applied for countless jobs in other places. Some employers are at least considerate enough to send you a denial letters while others just leave you hanging in purgatory until you figure out that they’ve hired someone else. I’ve had a couple of phone interviews, but nothing big. Instead of being irresponsible and just quitting, I’m hanging in there while trying to remain hopeful that one day I’ll be aligned with the perfect career opportunity and a door will finally be opened and I’ll be prepared to walk through it.

 My love life has sucked! And sometimes being lonely makes other situations in your life seem worse. (Ie: I hate my job, and I don’t have anyone to share my horrible day with…). Some characters in the movie of my life have exited stage right, new ones have entered, old ones have revisited but nothing more than conversation and confirmation has come from any of it. I’ve bumped into some men who look awesome on paper, but when it comes to real life and my needs in a relationship, they are unable to deliver. So I’m still fishing. But instead of patiently sitting on the dock of the bay with my fishing pole, I’ve propped it up with a rock and when something bites, I’ll run over and reel it in.

So who wants lemonade?

 Okay, so it seems like the last ten months can be categorized as a bowl full of lemons, right? Well, the optimist that I am to the core won’t allow me to see it this way. See, all of the things that happen in my life, or the lack thereof, I pray over. I find myself praying for my career, for love, success and happiness in the tangible form, but have yet to receive some of them. I often find myself asking God why He’s not blessing me with these things and I find myself pouting like a child when I don’t get my way. And then it dawned on me. God’s not telling me no. He’s simply telling me NOT YET.  

God knows us better than we know ourselves. Often times, the perception we have of ourselves and who God knows us to be are not the same. God knows all of our faults, our setbacks, our demons our deepest fears and greatest desires. So instead of focusing on what God is withholding from me, I am trying to figure out what God is trying to teach me in the meantime.

So I haven’t received the big fancy schmancy high paying career that I anticipated out of college. What is God trying to help me with in the mean time? He’s helping me build my work ethic. One of the things I hate the most is about my job’s strict attendance policy. It leaves very little room to be tardy. Matter of fact, if your more than 5 minutes late for your shift you get pointed-which can ultimately lead to termination. If your spleen falls out on your way to work and you have to go to the hospital instead, your team members will send you a nice get well soon card-but you’ll incur points for not coming to work. The point system is crazy and unrelenting, but it makes you punctual! There are some days I want to skip out on work for the heck of it, but the point system makes me think twice. All of this is helping me become a more reliable employee, which I’ll admit in the past wasn’t one of my strongest qualities. He’s teaching me the value of time management.

No love.. No kids? What in the world does God want me to learn from being lonely? Yeah, it gets lonely out here but again, God knows better than I do. A lot of times, we make hasty decisions based on being in the moment. A lot of people chose partners based off of their immediate needs and fail to determine if that person is considered a LIFE MATE or just a NOW MATE. The divorce rate is all the proof you need for this statement. People also jump into relationships without truly knowing the other person for who they really are-or even worse, without knowing THEMSELVES. Being  single is giving me the time to love myself and find out more about who I am. Reflections from past relationships are helping me recognize mistakes, identify dangerous patterns and ultimately determine what types of behaviors I am not going to stand for in new relationships. The absence of a significant other now is also increasing my appreciation for him when he does comes along. I am loving God and myself more every day, and I’m thankful for the TIME he’s giving me to explore. A wise friend told me, the one thing about my single-ness that I should never take for granted is my time. Time is the one thing that single people have plenty of, yet once it’s gone can never get back.. I intend to maximize my time. 

In life we can be sedentary and waste energy complaining about the things we don’t have yet, or we can be proactive and focus on the lessons to be learned in mean time. I have to remember that God knows the desires of my heart. He knows what I stand in the need of before I even go to him in prayer. He’s omnipotent, and all-knowing. I must have faith that he’ll bring all these things to fruition. After all, he did when he put the charge on my heart to go back to school and finish my degree.  So with that being said,  I’m going to take my cup of lemonade (that’s half full, might I add) and savor every bit of it.

 Related Bible Verse:

John 13:7 ” Jesus replied “You do not realize what I am doing, but later you will understand .”

Just Thoughts…

My alarm went off at 6:00 am, I hit snooze about three times, moaned and griped a little bit because still after almost 9 months of having to be at work at 7:30 am, I am still not a morning person. I followed my usual routine-I bathed, got dressed, grabbed my cell phone and stomped out of the house and into my car.
 
I’m in the car, seat belt on, windows down and music mindlessly playing in the background. My thoughts were just as random today as they always are. To illustrate how random my mind is, I remember riding down Park Avenue and wondering if it’s really necessary to have 843 car dealerships on one street. I remember thinking that  it is not necessary. Then my mind drifted to the idea of consumerism and how the material aspect of success is driving Americans into more debt…But hey, that’s another blog for another day. Then I remember praising God for the decrease in the humidity and thanking him for the relief in the temperature. I’m sure my mind touched down on many other thoughts as they always do, but that’s neither here nor there.  Today was just like yesterday. No road blocks, and I got almost all green lights.  For the last month in my car I’ve been listening to a mix CD of Chrisette Michelle’s Epiphany and Musiq Souldchild’s Juslisen just because I’ve been so fed up with new music. Well this morning, I changed the CD and bopped a random Kanye West mix.  Just as I was turning in to the parking lot at work, his latest single “Power” came on. I’ve heard this song a million times now, but I’ll admit I rarely listened to the words. The beat is so powerful that it usually takes me away from the lyrics. Today, I listened to him. One particular snippet of the second verse a caught my attention. He said:

I just needed time alone, with my own thoughts

Got treasures in my mind but couldn’t open up my own vault

My childlike creativity, purity and honesty

Is honestly being prodded by these grown thoughts

Reality is catchin’ up with me

Takin’ my inner child, I’m fighting for it, custody

Those 50 words summed up the last 3 years of my life. It’s apparent that the treasures Kanye is speaking of are his natural talents-music. While some may be artistically inclined, others may have other talents that are less apparent and more difficult to identify in their everyday lives. The fact of the matter is, we all have natural, God-given talents that are our treasures to the world. The line where he says, “Got treasures in my mind but couldn’t open up my own vault-” stuck with me the most. Having treasures in your mind, but being unable to open the vault is a debilitating concept to think of. Imagine realizing that you possess something great that the world will cherish, but you’re unable to access it. When I visualize a treasure trunk, I see a typical wooden box with a large lock on it. We know the trunk symbolizes something of value, but in most cases we’re unable to see what’s inside. This was my story. I was a smart girl throughout my school years. I was primarily an honor roll student, and had good behavior. I was the typical candidate for college. When I got to college, you wouldn’t have known I was so smart if you had of seen the types of grades I made. I didn’t earn these sub par grades because the work was particularly hard; I made bad grades because I didn’t try. Before I got to college, I had no idea what I wanted to be or what type of career I would even excel in. All I knew was that after high school, you either pick up a trade, start working or go to college. I often described my academic experience as running a race and not knowing the length of the course, the direction it was going in and if there was even a finish line. I was running in circles and was getting dizzy.I was aimlessly taking classes all in hopes that something would strike a fire in me. I took all kinds of classes. Sociology, Interpersonal Communication, Tai Chi (LOL), Marketing…you name it. I either took it or thought about it! I found interest in a few things, but nothing ignited a genuine passion in my heart. So finally I did what was easier at the time which was to quit school and hit the ground running in the real world. I found a good job eventually and made decent money for the most part. All was well in my world, until one morning I woke up with an unsettling spirit. I had an anxiety attack, which now I can identify as God shaking me out of my comfort zone of complacency. I woke up, almost in tears and said to myself-”I can not do this everyday for the rest of my life. Staying in this place will hurt me.” The odd part of this story is that I wasn’t going through anything traumatic in my life at that time. Work was fine, my bills were being paid, I had transportation, I had food, I had family and friends. There was nothing in my life at that moment to complain about. Yeah, I was living in a small efficiency apartment but all of my basic needs were being met. Doesn’t sound like a reason for an anxiety attack, huh?  I remember praying to God and begging him to reveal His purpose to me. I was confused and had no idea what to do. At that moment, I gave up control. I’m pretty much an impatient person and once I realize something, I’m ready for it to materialize instantly. I’m apart of that microwave society. We want it hot in 1 minute or less. The hardest part of this was knowing that in the midst of this revelation, I still had to get up, go to work and make a living for myself. After all, I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I remember asking God to direct me down the path that HE saw fit for me to follow, and lead me to the path of discovering my treasures. This was in May of 2007, and today I’m still on that journey. This trip hasn’t been in vain. God has been giving me hints, but I’m still not 100% certain what he wants me to do with my gifts. I am proud that I HAVE discovered what some of them are.

Many people find themselves in this exact predicament while some may have a slightly different circumstance. Many KNOW what they’re good at, have actually exercised those talents in the past and for some reason have chosen to abandon them. There’s a parable in the Bible about three servants who were give talents. The first servant was given 5 talents, the second was given 2 and the last was given 1 talent. The first two used their talents and gained double what they started out with, and the third servant buried his.The third servant was described as lazy and even foolish for doing this. In my eyes, the teaching point to this story is that regardless of if  we’re blessed with  many talents or even just one, we are to use them. Burying our treasures will do no good for anyone. Many of our talents can be used in the building of the Kingdom and for the betterment of mankind. Being an excellent listener and having a compassion the youth are awesome talents that can be used to mentor troubled youth. A person’s ability to craft and sew is an invaluable talent that can be used to provide clothing and comfort to someone in need. No matter how big or small the talent is, it can and should be used.

Romans 12:6-8 reads, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.”

The purpose of this entry is not to make you feel like a slacker, or deem you as lazy or useless. The point of this blog is to evoke the power that lies within and to strike the courage that you already possess. If you know what your talents are, use them. It takes a lot of courage to utilize our gifts and it takes even more courage to give up control and ASK God to reveal things to you. After all, he may reveal things that you don’t want to see. If you’re unsure on what you are good at, simply pray for wisdom and revelation. Remember that these things come in due time and it may not come to you when YOU FEEL that it should. Your talent may not materialize into wealth, fame or fortune, but they are just as important. Your ability to draw or paint is just as valuable as Kanye’s ability to create vivid music.  We have to realize that success in not measured my tangible things.

For all of those who are exercising your talents and using them for the betterment of others around you, I commend you. What are your talents? How was your path to discovery? Are you sharing these treasures with the world or are you leaving them buried? I suppose the key to unlocking the vault is simple. Make it a priority and do it. The rest is sort of like catharsis. It will come out on its own.

Just thoughts…

My mom and sister helped move me in that day. Of course, my Mom had my boxes packed and in the hallway 5 days before I was set to move in. I would like to believe that she had me set and ready to go so early because she’s a super organized person and not because she was ready to kick her last birdie out of the nest. When we checked in and I arrived in my room, Angel was already there. Her mom was helping her set up her side of the room. My mom and sister helped me place my bed along the wall, make it look cool with my purplelicious comforter and cool pillows. Mom made sure that I placed my porcelain collectors doll along my book shelf along with other knickknacks. I know, right? A porcelain doll? WHAT WAS I THINKING? Better yet, WHAT WAS SHE THINKING? That’s the kind of stuff you leave at home in your room there! Not bring to COLLEGE! I got clowned over and over about having that thing on display in my room!  That and the Easter Basket she gave me just earlier that year. Yes, I received Easter baskets and Valentine’s Day gifts all the way up until I graduated high school. This may not be normal. I’m positive that it probably isn’t normal, but I was the baby of the family. After I my mom and sister made sure that I was settled, we dried our tears gave each other hugs and they went on the merry way back to Paducah. Why did we cry? Because we’re a family full of sensitive females! The men aren’t so much, but us women! Boy, if you look at us wrong, we’ll cry! And that day wasn’t any different. We did what we do best. Cry and then get over it!

That night, me and Angel hooked up with Princess and we set out on campus! I remember meeting all of the new people and scoping out the fine brothas that Murray had to offer. Man it was some eye candy! All types of sweet indulgences, too. You had the athletes, you had the pretty boys, there were the frat boys, smart boys, tall boys, short boys, charming boys, black boys, white boys, international boys, boys, boys, boys! It was like a smorgasbord of testosterone! Ok, I digress… Anyway, there were people from all walks of life there, and for us Type B personalities this was a playground. There were so many people to meet, and I had the whole semester to get to know them. Our freshman class was full of strong and defined personalities and any time were in each others presence it was guaranteed to be an interesting time. MSU was just small enough for everyone knew each other so we all partied together and for the most part sat in the same vicinity in the dining hall. The African-American population was even smaller. Out of roughly 10,000 students, less than 1,000 were black. The majority of all of the students were from neighboring states (Kentucky, Tennessee, Illinois, Missouri, etc) so we all had a lot in common.

Back in the day we were limited to what we could do for entertainment, but we always managed to have a good time. I remember the 7th floor slumber party that we had with 4 other girls that lived on our floor. I remember playing “Bloody Mary” with big group of people in my other bff’s dorm. There were countless spades tournaments and water fights. I remember on Halloween 2000 while walking over to a friend’s dorm being bombarded with water balloons. Their aim sucked cause all they hit was the bottom of my pants leg. I didn’t realize it until later that night that one of the culprits was actually my bestest guy friend (let’s call him CPU!!!) along with a few other freshman guys. Funny thing is, he had no intention on telling me that he was one of the ones who did it. I called him later that night and was holding a casual conversation about what happened and he was complaining about his ankle and the fact that he’d sprain it earlier that night. Come to find out he sprained it while aiding in another attack against a poor unsuspecting freshman chick in front of the Curris Center. Guess who took him to the hospital to have it x-rayed? Of course, me. It was all fun and games though and we still laugh about it to this day.

Students at MSU don’t get this experience anymore. There’s more drama, fights and beef amongst students than there ever was when I was a freshman (the very first time). I hear students complain about being bored or how there’s nothing to do in Murray. There’s no parties in Murray anymore, I’m going to UT Martin to party, so forth and so forth. While all of this may be true, fun is in the hands of the beholder. Some of the younger people in college now are so used to having everything handed to them and they don’t know how to create environments for themselves. If you want proof, just look at the freshman parking lot at MSU’s stadium. First of all, it’s packed full of cars. Rows and rows of expensive vehicles at that! When were freshman, we footed it to Wal-Mart. We didn’t have cars! There were maybe 5 people who had wheels out of the entire freshman class. Never once was transportation frustrating or nerve wrecking. Everything we needed was in a short walking distance. There were no cell phones or texting. If you wanted to hang with your friends or go eat dinner together you would dial their 4 digit telephone # from your land line in your room or dorm front desk. You might would even simply walk to their door and knock. There was no Facebook. Blackplanet was our drug of choice. As a matter of fact, hardly no one  had computers in their rooms. We wrote our papers and surfed the web at the computer lab. We would instant message each other on the blackplanet pager. Back then, the lack of technology forced us to interact with each other face to face. We didn’t have blogs to express our opinions. We had the lunch table. People didn’t “like” our statuses on facebook to express agreement with our opinions. The VOICED their opinions. The guys didn’t have a PS3 to play Madden 2010 on, they played intramural flag football. Girls didn’t spend insane amounts of money at the hair salon, we found people right on campus who knew how to create the looks that we were look for. We didn’t need XYZ frat or sorority to throw a party so we could dance. We played music in someone’s room and danced in the hallways. Our needs were low, therefore our expenses were low. We didn’t have to work 40 hours a week to make money for gas and cell phone bills. We were free enough to enjoy being young in a new and challenging environment.

While the primary focus of college is all about obtaining an education and getting good grades while doing it, college is  also about defining moments. Defining moments lead to  self discovery and the inception of creating a blueprint for your future. They key to balancing the two is to know your boundaries and capabilities. You can have the complete college experience, just remember benefits of doing it all in moderation. My first semester at Murray State was by far one of the most eye-opening and enjoyable experiences in my life to date. The people I met, the lessons I learned and the bonds we created set the foundation and helped chisel me into the person I am today. I grew a thicker skin and I realized that anything worth having is worth the struggle to get it. To all of the students out there preparing for the new semester, I wish you the best in academic successes. This semester remember to stop and INTERACT with one another. You never know what experience you may gain just by saying hello.

Just Thoughts…

I’ve never been the type of girl to allow my size to limit me. I refused to be the fat kid that   wore stretch shorts and Tweety Bird t-shirts from Wal-Mart that.  As long as Lane Bryant and other trendy stores carried my size, I was going to style and profile! I didn’t even get picked on often. There were a few here and there that tried to take shots at me and there may have been even more that talked about me behind my back but I refused to add fuel their fire. I didn’t give their words power. I even successfully passed  P.E.  throughout my school years. I hated every minute of it. Even though I couldn’t run 4 laps around the track as fast as the majority of the class,  I figured it was better to struggle through the strenuous activity in the midst of everyone else, than to sit down and look lazy to the world. I always participated. Let me back up. I’d participate but I rarely gave it 100% effort. I remember in elementary school (insert fat kid PE story here) we used to do a series of exercises. It would start with skipping from one end of the gym to the next, then galloping, and then straight sprinting and other exercises followed by a some sort of game. Well every now and then Coach Wynn would mix it up and make us do the crab walk and the lobster walk. APPARENTLY this exercise is supposed to develop coordination in reverse walking, stretch the back, strengthen arms, legs, and stomach muscles. Don’t know if you’ve ever done this before but the way you do it is by sitting on the floor with knees bent, feet flat on floor, hands flat on the floor and slightly behind the body. As you lift your body off the floor you walk backwards. The lobster walk was the same thing, just walk forwards. I HATED THIS ACTIVITY. I REPEAT, I HATED THIS ACTIVITY. After years of doing it against my will, I figured out the key to getting out of doing that particular exercise. If you wore a dress on PE day, you didn’t have participate in the lobster/crab walk that day. Apparently, Coach Wynn didn’t want the little girl’s goodies to show while in the crab/lobster position. So somehow at some point I put two and two together. I begged my mom to wear dresses on those days! Got clean out of it! I had to run extra to makeup for not doing it. I’d still take running any day over that horrible exercise.

Then there was Spring Sports Day…Ugh! The worse. I had a love hate relationship with Spring Sports Day. I loved the fact that we got to spend the whole day outside, our parents got to come to school, and we got snacks! However, I hated the fact that it was a big competition based on the one thing that I was guaranteed to be the worst at…Sports. Dude, I never placed in any of those events. In 7 years of Elementary (K-6) I never even won at tug of war. There was no skill involved in that game. Either you were on the strongest team or you lost. I lost. Every friggin year. I think I was in the 6th grade when I realized, that I didn’t HAVE to participate. That year, whenever they called my event, I just remained seated ate my hot dog and red pop icicle. There was more strenuous activity that I managed to escape. I wonder how I would be now if I didn’t have those epiphanies at such an early age.

I realize now, that some of the habits we develop as children we tend to carry into adulthood. Finding ways to get out of activities that we don’t want to partake in, doing just enough to get by, and eating a hot dog and a popsicle on the sidelines are all habits that to this day threaten my health and weight loss goals.

I’ve fallen back into my “get your butt off the couch and move” phase and went to a Zumba class today. I said to myself “Self, you need to get up get out and do something. You like to dance and you need to lose weight. Why don’t you kill two birds with one stone?” So I went.

My feet hurt. My legs hurt, my arms hurt. It was really no joke. When I think about my level of effort and energy I quickly realized that I was that little girl again. Doing just enough in the midst of the crowd to get by. I didn’t give it 100% so I’m pretty sure I defeated the whole purpose. If only I had of developed better habits earlier in life, at this point right now the 1 hour of non-stop rhythmic dancing dashed with latin, african and hip-hop flavor would’ve been so much easier! When you’re 16, your bones don’t snap crackle and pop. Shoot when your 21 they don’t give you as much trouble. Honestly, they  shouldn’t even at 27 (almost 28) years old. What you do as a child reflects what you do as an adult.

We hear stories in the news every year about childhood obesity in America. We hear everything from the downright pathetic stories of kids stealing money from their parents purses to go buy chicken nuggets from Mickey D’s to television shows dedicated to exploiting the 500lb 17 year old by sticking a camera in her face instead of getting down to the root of the problem . America is obsessed with this epidemic but not much is being done to prevent it.  Parents, before I get on my soapbox, I ask that you do not throw me in the box with the other “people with no kids who try to tell those with kids what to do”.  My frame of reference is a very personal one. Make your kids move! It’s not enough for them to watch the kiddie PSA’s about physical fitness on the Disney Channel.  Stop allowing the television to teach them.  The TV alone cuts back on productivity. You’ve got to do more. You have to first be a moving example for your children, and second you have to stress to them the importance of living a healthy life.  Who knows? By the time their my age, their good habits will be second nature.

Just a thought…

Welcome to my humble abode. This is the place where my thoughts, words and deeds all collide. I’ve always been interested in blogging.  I’m a loyal reader of several blogs and I’ve always been fascinated by the impact it has made on advertising, publicity and online social networking in general.  I have wanted to create one on my own for a while now but I was afraid that I wouldn’t be consistent enough to keep it up. I’m a talker by nature about any and everything so with a little persuasion and inspiration from some people, I’ve decided to take a stab at it. Nothing beats a failure but a try, right?

The purpose of this blog is quite simple. I am attempting share my thoughts and opinions on the things that interest me. Those who know me personally know that my interest run the gamut from everything ranging from fashion to theology, to pop culture, music, current events and everything in between. I have an opinion about everything. Thus the name of the blog…She’s Always Got Something to Say. (Something 2 Say *S2S* for short)

Contents in this blog should be viewed as simply MY OPINION. Some of the things that I may write, post or agree with are simply  a reflection of life as I see it at that moment. Perception is reality.

If this blog moves you to think, it has served its purpose. If this blogs inspires you to do better, it has served its purpose. If this blog moves you to laughter, it has served its purpose. Even if this blog poses as nothing more than something to occupy your time while online, the time invested is well worth it.

Enjoy. Comment. Discuss. Suggest.